Saturday, May 9, 2009

Lessons from Corporate World

If you are working or you wish to work in the corporate world in future, here are some tips for your success or atleast survival :

First of all, remember that you are a smart ass.You are highly intelligent and knowledgeable person. Saying 'I don't know' is a taboo.
Most importantly you are always busy...nope..extremely busy...at least you have to pretend to be very busy. If you are easily accessible to your juniors, you don't deserve your job.
You always drink your coffee in your cubicle. That makes others realize that you are busy.
You are always working on critical and confidential projects.
You should not provide clear , detailed instructions to your juniors. That makes his task less challenging (easier in other words) and devoid him of freedom of thought and actions.
You should be attending lot of meetings. At least four a day. If you don't get sufficient meeting invites in a day, you arrange a meeting yourself. Unplanned meetings always catch attention of others and invites for the same are always precious. Meetings are always to be held in meeting rooms only. Sitting in the cubicle and discussing does not meet the corporate world meeting standards.
Global gyan is a virtue to possess and practised but should not be preached i.e. you should always discourage others from practicing it.
You are always expected to address your boss as "Mr. boss". That is a sign of respect (and a way for pampering his ego).
At least one excel sheet and one ppt should always be open on your laptop. If you are still using a desktop, you are fooling yourself (you are not the corporate guy ).
You should be getting at least 50 mails in a day. If you don't, you are facing the challenge of oblivion.
You should be really good at multi tasking. You should always take your calls while working on your system.
You ask your junior to work only when it is a super urgent task with tight deadlines. Such work pressure helps you to keep him on his toes and improve his efficiency. After all deadlines are called so because they are supposed to make someone dead if he misses it.
Appreciation is the fundamental right of your superiors and a highly sought after incentive for your juniors. Make sure that your appreciations are always based on this discretion.
The thumb rule says that in the morning, the least important person in the office should be the first one to enter it. The more late you can afford to come, more important you are.
This rule is simply turned upside down when it comes to leaving the office. If you don't work till late night, your commitment to work is questionable. Your stay in office is considered to be directly proportional to the amount of work you do, as your efficiency is always super high.
Don't forget that you are expected to be working 24X7. You also need to make sure that your juniors also work 24X7. If you can't assure that, you are not fit to be the manager.
Cynicism and criticism are essential qualities of successful corporate person. After all only experts can find out flaws.

5 comments:

Parag said...

Perfect! Perfect! :)

Shardul said...

Good one yaar.... sahi lihile aahes.... :)

I am here said...

rightly said.Thanks ya, i think this is the jist of 2yr MBA. gud work...I think i can fwd the link to ur guide she will feel elated.... but how cud u 4get abt the shaving cream?:-)

mindpuzzle said...

Oh..yeah..i missed out on the shaving cream thing..BTW who is this?
U have not enabled access to your profile :(

Rohan Pandey said...

cool tips brother !!
really enlightening.