Sunday, January 24, 2010

Dear Brother

Dear Brother,

How are you?

I am writing this letter to focus your attention on an issue which is close to my heart and has disturbed me from last few days. The social scene in Urban India in last one decade has seen the emergence of Metrosexual men. These are the men who will go for gymming to keep themselves lean and athletic. They would love to visit art exhibitions and attend country music concerts with their female friends. They will sip small pegs of vodka and gin rather than guzzling bottles of beer in boozing parties. They are the pedantic and chivalrous people. They will dress well as per the occasion. Their clothes would be clean, well ironed and embellished with designer labels which are awkward tongue twisters of obscure French and Italian fashion designers. They will probably own seven pairs of shoes and about a dozen pair of chappals.They will prefer to visit a hair stylist rather than a neighbourhood barber for their hair do. You can smell the fragrance of rose and scandal when in vicinity of such a person. You would find the posters of Arjun Rampal, Hrithik Roshan and Milind Soman in the bedrooms of these people. They will use Dove soap, L’Oreal face wash and Nivea cold cream to maintain the fair, smooth, tender and moist look of their face even in the freezing cold of Delhi winter. By now, you must have got a fair (and handsome) idea about a metrosexual guy. Oh, last but not the least, Metrosexual is not an antonym to Heterosexual :D

In an obsessive trend to blindly follow their leading Bollywood icons to become metrosexual men, the urban youth of India is voluntarily chopping off the potent symbol of his Masculinity, about three to five inch long line of hair growing between the upper lip and nose portion, referred as Moustache and fondly called as mooche in North India. The swagger of a macho, dark, rough and rustic looking guy with broad shoulders and beefed up chest gently waving hand on his long trail of thick moustache seems to have lost appeal with the young generation X. Today’s youth fail to appreciate the importance of their moustache in defining the personalities of some of the greatest men of past and present such as Shivaji Maharaj, Mangal Pandey, Adolf Hitler, Albert Einstein, Josef Stalin, Nana Patekar , Rajnikant, Shakespere, Tipu Sultan, Anil Kapoor and Piyush Pandey.

The reasons for such a turn around of Indian Male psyche can be attributed to the emergence and later on dominance of Multi National beauty and male grooming product companies in India post liberalisation of 1991. In order to lure more than half a billion Indian men to use their products, these companies introduced the concept of Metrosexual men in the Indian market. With huge marketing budgets and deep pockets, they could rope in the leading male celebrities to endorse their product, arrange for free shaving camps provide price discounts and come up with the controversial and disparaging campaigns such as Gillette’s Shave India campaign. The free flow of western culture after liberalisation made the way easier for these companies to push their products. Soon the beards and stubbles were gone. The rough, tickling sensual touch of a man’s stubble was shown to have ceased to ignite arousal within a woman. She was convinced to fancy about the soft, smooth and clean shaven cheeks of a guy. In the end, the deadly blow to the public symbol of manhood of the Indian male came when he pickup up a pair of scissors and chopped off his moustache. With it, he also chopped off his connections with the tradition and culture of his society. Historically, the moustache of a man also depicted his origins. The length, shape and curls of the bristles on the upper lip of a Royal Rajput is different from that of a Mard Maratha, which in turn varies from that of an intellectual Bengali babu or a Brave Southern warrior. But everything is not lost. Despite the foolish attempts made by people like you and me to get rid of our moustaches in the past, Mother Nature has been patient enough to allow us to correct those mistakes. Our moustaches have so far not been made extinct by the irreversible process of evolution of mankind. Unlike a few of once fertile lands of Punjab and Haryana who have become barren due to over utilisation of irrigation, chemicals and pesticides, the fertile lands above our upper lips have not lost their yields to the use of shaving creams, foams and after lotions. Let’s make a pledge that we will grow our moustaches once again and flaunt them in style. And remember, it’s a Man’s Promise!

God Bless you…

Yours Truly,


P.S. I hope the following video motivates you to think and act like a Man :D

Saturday, January 2, 2010

To-Do list for 2010

It is the New Year eve and I was wondering what I should do. All news channels prompted me to the idea of reviewing 2009 for myself. Thanks to my 1982 manufactured 256 Mb memory, I could hardly remember what I have done during first 10 months of 2009. Also I don’t want to feel depressed and miserable on the new year eve by thinking about what have I done in last 365 days. Hence I had to rule out this option without hesitation. I then turned to the internet for help and found New Year resolutions of few of my friends posted on FB. I have never made any resolutions on New Year eve, or any other eve for that matter. Also the idea of New Year resolution is always associated with laughter and futility. But still, I have decided to make my resolutions for this year. Wish me good luck on my maiden endeavour in this regard. Here is my Laundry list of things to do in 2010…

1. To take bath daily and if possible in the morning.

This resolution is dedicated to my family. Although for someone, taking shower everyday may have a selfish motive of making him feel fresh while for others it might be an automatic process arising out of a lifelong practised habit, I would term it as a narcissistic act which results into giving goose bumps to the people around me when they look at the freshness, glow, confidence and exuberance of my bathed and haloed physical existence in the morning. But since my mom and dad insist on me dumping this Mother Teressa attitude towards my colleagues in the college, I am going to be the centre of attention of everyone in the class and let other guys suffer from the inferiority complex of realising to be ugly morons. Let me make it clear that I still don’t buy the ‘Save us from your body odour’ argument of my detractors. I firmly believe in the effectiveness of my deodorant.

2. To put on some weight.

Since it is now certain that once I start working, I will not be staying in Mumbai, I hope to put on some weight. Since from my childhood, I wanted to work in Mumbai. Owing to this fact, in a manifestation of control of my mind over body, ditto to the skyscrapers in Mumbai, my body grew much in the vertical dimension only, so that I could occupy least possible floor space when I am jostling for space in the overcrowded local trains of Mumbai. But now I can allow my tall and thin structure to expand horizontally and transform myself into a more rounded personality. In this regard, the New Year has begun in the right direction. I have already begun my eating spree at home with lots of sweets, ghee and yummy stuff.

3. Not to sleep in the class.

This will require me to get addicted to stimulants such as tea and coffee. Also the success in obeying this resolution is partially dependent on success in following the first item in this list. Although I am still sceptical about what will I gain out of it, it will at least result in my more well-mannered and cordial social behaviour by preventing my alleged occasional snoring in the class.

4. Be punctual at every place, whenever the situation demands.

The first draft of this list had only main clause of this resolution. However, while reviewing the list, I was compelled to attach a qualifier in the form of subordinate clause because I stay in India. How can I afford to miss out on the ego boost feelings of watching other dependent and helpless people wait for me at special occasions such as group meetings, marriages, movies and even dates? Not to mention the obvious benefits of being late for the classes.

5. Study for the last trimester of my MBA.

This is quite important for me as the last trimester will be my last chance to find out answer for the million dollar question ‘what do I learn during my MBA’. Also having just 3 instead of usual 7-8 subjects to study should not lead to me cutting down on my extra curricular (read surfing on the net) and socialising activities (read attending booze parties). Also last five trimesters have given me enough self confidence about my abilities as the last minute manager (thanks to my indulgence in procrastination and Jugaad skills).Now let me go after the classical (read stereotype) skills taught in a B-school.

6. Read at least one book every month (including text books).

The clause mentioned in the bracket is to ensure that the resolution is not quixotic but practically useful and realistic to achieve.

7. Work hard once I start doing my job (especially when the boss is around).

Please refer the above resolution for justification of the bracketed part.

8. Be positive and satisfied about life rather than cynical and cribbing.

It is a sermon which I have been listening and reading for ages from so many sources. So I want to give it a shot. But I am clueless about how to do it. One of my friends suggested that in every situation I should look at how much is gained, available and achieved every time. That will make me feel happy. The only exception being my marks scored in the exams. Also what if I turn into a complacent person? Oh Shit, no more cynicism.

9. Don’t try to figure out any woman and waste my time.

In my existence of over quarter of century on mother earth, no one could succeed in making me believe in God. But the so called fairer sex has made me believe that the world in not fair enough. If I have to accept the hypothesis that the computers are modelled to simulate the human brain then I would say that the Windows operating systems are inspired by the female brains. It is inefficient and unreliable yet every man is hooked onto it. All my attempts to decipher them further have met with little success. Hence I share my wisdom with you through this resolution. Trust me guys, Casanova is a myth than a reality!

10. Remind myself of these resolutions everyday.

OK, I accept that it is a clich├ęd line. Every damn list of rules now days has this corny line in the end. Since we are entering into 2010, I must have a list of 10 things to do. But even after being over critical of myself, I could not find many areas of self improvement. Hence this resolution for the sake of completing the list of 10 things.

So now, let me stop my inaugural blabbering of 2010. Wish u all a Very Happy New year!