Lessons from Corporate World

If you are working or you wish to work in the corporate world in future, here are some tips for your success or atleast survival :

First of all, remember that you are a smart ass.You are highly intelligent and knowledgeable person. Saying 'I don't know' is a taboo.
Most importantly you are always busy...nope..extremely busy...at least you have to pretend to be very busy. If you are easily accessible to your juniors, you don't deserve your job.
You always drink your coffee in your cubicle. That makes others realize that you are busy.
You are always working on critical and confidential projects.
You should not provide clear , detailed instructions to your juniors. That makes his task less challenging (easier in other words) and devoid him of freedom of thought and actions.
You should be attending lot of meetings. At least four a day. If you don't get sufficient meeting invites in a day, you arrange a meeting yourself. Unplanned meetings always catch attention of others and invites for the same are always precious. Meetings are always to be held in meeting rooms only. Sitting in the cubicle and discussing does not meet the corporate world meeting standards.
Global gyan is a virtue to possess and practised but should not be preached i.e. you should always discourage others from practicing it.
You are always expected to address your boss as "Mr. boss". That is a sign of respect (and a way for pampering his ego).
At least one excel sheet and one ppt should always be open on your laptop. If you are still using a desktop, you are fooling yourself (you are not the corporate guy ).
You should be getting at least 50 mails in a day. If you don't, you are facing the challenge of oblivion.
You should be really good at multi tasking. You should always take your calls while working on your system.
You ask your junior to work only when it is a super urgent task with tight deadlines. Such work pressure helps you to keep him on his toes and improve his efficiency. After all deadlines are called so because they are supposed to make someone dead if he misses it.
Appreciation is the fundamental right of your superiors and a highly sought after incentive for your juniors. Make sure that your appreciations are always based on this discretion.
The thumb rule says that in the morning, the least important person in the office should be the first one to enter it. The more late you can afford to come, more important you are.
This rule is simply turned upside down when it comes to leaving the office. If you don't work till late night, your commitment to work is questionable. Your stay in office is considered to be directly proportional to the amount of work you do, as your efficiency is always super high.
Don't forget that you are expected to be working 24X7. You also need to make sure that your juniors also work 24X7. If you can't assure that, you are not fit to be the manager.
Cynicism and criticism are essential qualities of successful corporate person. After all only experts can find out flaws.

MBA so far

I am almost through half of my MBA course as my third trimester is coming to an end. From last few days one thought has been haunting me like never before. I don't know how to express it most effectively. Anyways, here it is ..
When I came here to do MBA, I was expecting that I would experience a tiring and thoroughly satisfying Intellectual Orgasm in doing this course. However I have realised that forget about the orgasm, I am not even feeling the erection out of it ! The global meltdown and bleak, uncertain future frustrates me more. And when I think about it, I could blame myself more than anything else for this state of affairs !
Earlier I had heard many stories of MBA students slogging day and night in their libraries and hostel rooms finishing assignments and working on presentations. But my own experience has been quite contradictory. Here I am keeping my self busy by indulging in many activities apart from/other than study.
My laptop has become my sweetheart here and like a mother of a new born baby I cant keep it away from myself for long time. I almost feel like crying if it stops working. But what am I doing on my laptop?? Here is the laundry list..
The top most item on the list is Music. My laptop has helped me to transform my interest in music into a passion. Thanks to 24X7 wi-fi net access, I am downloading all kinds of songs from bhoole bisare geet of binaka geetmala days to current English chart busters.
Next comes Films. Although I was never a movie buff and I still watch less movies compared to my friends over here, its relatively quite high compared to my earlier life.
Although my real life socializing has declined significantly after coming to Delhi, it has been more than compensated by my virtual life socialising.Be it Gtalk, Yahoo msngr or orkut. They never let me feel lonely and I spend many hours chatting.
Last but not the least is my newly found addiction. It has overtaken me completely. Its the high I get out of blogging. Defying candid opinions of my friends about my blog being mediocre and boring, I keep on posting my entries. Try to attract eyeballs by adding pics and other gadgets and attempt to accidentally direct someone to my blog site by promoting it through unsolicited mails, status msgs etc. But can you really blame a guy who is inebriated due to addiction. However I am sure than I am not the only one hooked onto blogging. there are thousands others like me in this virtual world.
And what about reading online newspapers, journals, tracking sensex, preparing reports and ppts? Well those are the activities for the stereotype MBA students. Mavericks and rebels like me don't indulge myself in those morbid and mundane activities. I always rely on my self proclaimed high productivity, my extraordinary and time tested Jugaad skills and natural ability to do nonstop bakar.
Now lets return back to the real world.
Alec smart once said that most of the innovations in this world have been made by intelligent and lazy people . On this basis, I think of myself as an innovative person. However, my friends turned critics don't agree with me completely. They are not sure whether I possess the first attribute but are quite sure about the second one. They corroborate it by saying that I am a dirty bump owing to my seldom washed clothed, my bathing on alternate days and once in a week shaving schedule. But they fail to understand that I am making a style statement here. That I am a rough, rustic and austere guy. I am saving water and electricity by bathing less frequently. Besides washing clothes several times make them look old and leads to colour fading. Now some people compare my room to a garbage dump yard as my clothes and books are spread all over the place. My cup board and drawers are over flowing and the newspapers are lying all over (although I rarely read them). But such a random, non regimented and flexible system is more stable, convenient for user and keeps everything at same accessibility.
That's all for tonight. I have had enough of blogging for the day. Its 1:30am and I have to start reading for 2 quizzes on 2moro. Wish me good luck. Byeee :)