The Anything Guy

 I am the anything guy. So, when I got to a bar with a friend and the bartender asks me what you would like to have, my instinctive response is ‘Anything’. But after experiencing awkward looks from the bartender few times, I have realized that I need to be more specific. So, I wait for my friend to place his/her order and then blurt out, “The same one for me”. I can drink whisky, I can vodka, I can drink beer and I can drink rum as well. I am not averse to drinking anyone of them and is not in love with any of them, so I struggle to be specific in such cases. Perhaps, that explains why I hate shopping. That requires you to be lot more specific: Sir, what kind of jeans are you looking for? Straight fit or Slim? Bootcut or wide? mid-rise or low rise? ripped? Faded? My response “Anything which you think would look good on me”. I am sure customers like me are the dream customers for those shopkeepers. They can sell junk from their store to me without me protesting about it. No wonder, when I had to buy a car, I went for the same model which one of my friends was using. For a guy like me the cost of search while buying something is too much. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I hate those questions about favorites: Which is your favorite color? Which is your favorite food? Which is your favorite movie? Which is your favorite car? Which is your favorite vacation spot? The list goes on and on.

At work, ‘the anything will do guy’ has both advantages as well as disadvantages.  While you could be termed as flexible and adaptive guy who can work on anything, you are likely to be pushed around to the work who no one else wants to do. Working on a variety of stuff, gives you the width of knowledge, but hoping around from one thing to another, does not provide the depth of knowledge. This ‘anything will do’ attitude is so much ingrained in me that if someone asks me, would you like to have sex with a man or a woman, my response will be “Hmm, anything will do!” 

Being Fit and Fine

Regularity and punctuality are two virtues which I have always been chasing but could never get hold of it. This has been demonstrated through so many things in my life. I could never get up early any day and would always be punished for coming late to school. I have almost missed my flight couple of times, almost missed bus and train countless number of times. I have always ended up been SIT i.e. Somehow In Time (a mutation of JIT where the delay is unintentional and unplanned).

This has always failed me in having a long lasting fitness regime. Long back I tried working out in a gym every day. I started doing it in the morning. By the time I had barely finished two weeks, I realized that I got up late 4 days and could work out for barely half an hour. For two days, I got up so late that forget about working out, I had to go to college without even taking bath. So I started working out in the evening. But even that could last for hardly 2 months while bunking gym in between for all kinds of reasons including stomach pain, fever, raining outside, going out with friends, attending wedding receptions, birthday parties, watching movie, finishing college submissions on last day, etc. Gyming in the evening meant that I had to take shower after that, which meant that bathing in the morning is not essential. And that meant that I could sleep till last in the morning. :D Then came my university exams and that provided me a perfect excuse to take a break from gym. Never thought that break would be so long that it would last till today :(

Then it was the turn of jogging and cycling. Simple routines constituting repetition of a physical activity again and again till you get exhausted. But that could not last long as well. Now I don’t even remember why I stopped jogging altogether.

The latest victim has been swimming. Started it with lots of enthusiasm and noise and it fizzled out as quickly as it can. Barely two weeks into swimming, had I hurt my 2 fingers and knee. The latest injury has been to my left leg where I got a cut on my leg thanks to a broken tile in the swimming pool. Now it’s been almost 3 weeks since the cut has healed. But I have not even gone near the pool.

My dad, couples of friends and Salman Khan through all his shirtless movie appearances keep on encouraging me to start exercising and maintain a fitness regime. Also the fear factor plays its role here. The site of pot belly, overweight people in the office also makes me think about it. But it hasn’t worked for a long time till now.

I happened to read an article in one of the issues of Men’s Health magazine last week. 

That makes me think of doing Yoga now. God knows for how many days that will last 

even if I start doing it at all ! Fingers crossed !

The Dilemma

After having a sumptuous dinner and couple of drinks of their favorite cocktails at an exquisite multi cuisine restaurant on a Sunday evening, Sameer was abruptly moved from the flirtatious and romantic world on the seventh cloud to the hard hitting practicalities on the earth when he saw the bill presented to him by the charming waitress with a grin on her face. While handing over his credit card to her, he blurted “Your maintenance cost is becoming unbearable for me these days!” Pallavi smirked and snapped him saying “And you still bear it when you know that it’s going to be a dead investment with no returns!”

Sameer faked ignorance and was staring at the waitress whose gait would make any man stare at her arse. In a spontaneous response, Pallavi leaned forward on the table and clicked her fingers in front of Sameer while saying “Shall we move??”

Exactly 4 days before, at 6:30 am in the morning, when Sameer was still lying in his bed, his cell phone ranged. He picked up the call and got to hear “Happy Birthday Sameer! “ He and Pallavi talked for almost half hour on that call. As usual their conversation was full of arguments. Pallavi insisted on Sameer giving her a party on his birthday in Delhi. Sameer refused saying he does not have time and money to fly all the way from Bangalore to Delhi and do a favor on a girl who doesn’t even qualify to be his girl friend. Pallavi hit him back saying that their friendship was a tragic mistake committed by her and she would prefer to be a nun in the church rather than becoming his girl friend. He called his trip to be a dead investment if he would do it. “You would be in Delhi in next 7 days for giving me a party “, this was the last line she spoke before hanging up the phone. On the same day in the afternoon, Sameer received a parcel in his office through courier. It was from Pallavi. When he opened it, he was delighted to see 5-6 music CDs in the box. They had covers of his all time favorite artists such as John Lennon, Bob Marley, Jim Morison, Guns N Roses and Led Zeppelin. However his joy was short lived. Soon he realized that those were just covers of the CDs. At the corner of the box was lying a Nike shoe along with a note saying ‘Throw me a party in Delhi on the coming weekend to get the CDs and the other shoe of the pair. Happy Birthday!’ Sameer smiled to himself and booked the return flight tickets for the weekend. The thought that he could buy all that stuff in Bangalore for the cost less than the return flights for Delhi did not even cross his mind.

After the dinner, Pallavi drove Sameer to her home. They were teasing and fighting with each other along the way. When they reached her home, Pallavi gifted him the stuff missing from the parcel and told him that she kept her word. Sameer replied sarcastically that he was dying to get this stuff. He could have never purchased it in his life! Both bid good night to each other and went to their bed rooms. Five minutes later, Sameer came to her room. He looked at her. He turned and was about to exit the room. He stopped for a moment and confessed to her “Pallavi, all the things I told you about the Russian babes in Goa are untrue. I did not even meet any of them.” Pallavi got up and hugged him from back. Caressing his neck and mane with her hands, in a hushed voice, she told him “And all the things I told you about Yuvraj have never happened. Yes I know Yuvraj and still dream about him at night. But sadly he doesn’t even know me and obviously he wouldn’t even be thinking about me. Although he would be having lot of spare time these days since he is not playing cricket for last six months.” Moments later Sameer kissed her on lips and hugged her tightly. Soon they were inside her bed wrapped under the blanket.

Sameer got up early in the morning at 6. He rushed to Airport to catch his return flight. He did not even wake her up before leaving. Later in the day, around 1 pm, Sameer got an SMS from Pallavi saying “I did not go to office today.”

Sameer replied with the capital letter “Y”.

Pallavi texted him back saying “Because I slept till late in the morning. You did not let me sleep last night “.

Sameer replied “Yeah Baby. My fire on the bed would have kept you awake the whole night: P”

Pallavi replied “No bastard. You were snoring so loudly the whole night!!”

Sameer replied “Ha ha ..LOL :D” when he could have replied asking her why did she not move to the other bedroom then.